Utah is always my favorite during the summer. I have the best memories each year for the past eight we have been away of coming out to visit for a month. I realize how much I miss the mountains, family, and crisp Utah air.
This trip has been particularly charged with emotions, and with much anticipation. Mike's grandma quite unexpectedly passed away, and my Dad is getting remarried this weekend. It has been a trip of reflection for me. Mike, still in Pennsylvania till next week asked me the other day if I have gotten caught up with friends. I quietly realized I have been a bit in hibernation this trip, surrounding myself mainly with immediate family during this time of reflection. I have completely found it to be therapeutic and peaceful.
I have had time this trip to just sit in my parents house, while sorting through countless items meaningful to my Mom. I have experienced tears and laughter this trip which again has been much needed. I have learned from the grief of my Mom's passing that grief takes not just days, and weeks, but years. Tears, laughter, and family are what get you through. Moments of emotion come at sometimes expected, but often unexpected quiet moments.
At her funeral I remember recognizing that she was always going to be a part of my life. She would somehow find ways to make her presence known throughout my life, and the life of my children. She was much to diligent of a Mom to not. A couple of days ago I was reminded of this with a perfect example to me.
I was going through one of her closets in the "pink" bedroom with my sister and Aunts. We call it the "pink" bedroom because of the beautiful pink toile wallpaper. It use to be my room when I was young, and was my Mom's favorite rooms to rest in. The "pink" bedroom closet is filled with tablecloths, beautiful silk floral arrangements, and fabric.
One of my Mom's favorite hobbies was to make baby quilts. She LOVED to sew and make quilts for each of her grandchildren. Bec had eight children in about 11 years so needless to say she kept my Mom in the quilt business for years:" She would often ask me......."don't any of your children need another quilt, I have found the cutest fabric?" I had a friend stay over a couple of months ago and comment "You have more little quilts than anyone I know."
When Samuel was born my biggest longing was to have a quilt that my Mom made especially for him. It was void I felt immediately. The longing for one of my "Moms" flannel quilts continued. I thought this trip about calling one of her friends in the ward, Sister Mahoney, to see if she would be willing to make Samuel a quilt. But Sister Mahoney is now in her nineties and I just couldn't bring myself to doing it.
As we were cleaning out the closet, sorting through fabrics I found a stack of partially finished quilts. They were beautiful and perfect for any little girl. However, Samuel is not in the market for pink flowers, and bunnies. Just as I was about to give up I spotted two perfectly finished baby boy quilts. They were the only quilts that were finished completely, and were neatly folded at the bottom of the pile. It was as if my Mom in her eternal view knew exactly what I needed and when.
Those two little quilts are priceless to me. They are priceless because they represent a wonderful, thoughtful, diligent Mom whose influence on her posterity is not lost and will never be forgotten. She is still diligently part of me, and my families lives. Sammy's new quilts are a reminder.