Last week at a church meeting I attending one of the main speakers spoke about fear. She spoke about fear of everything and how it can be paralyzing. We live in a time where there is a lot of fearful things that can happen. At the time during her talk, I thought.....shwew.....I am so glad that I don't have a lot of fear. I really feel lucky to not have anxiety about the worst that can happen to me and my children. In fact, I have often thought I should have a little more inhibition with situations and be a bit more careful.
A few days later I was eating lunch with a couple of really good friends. We were talking about everything and nothing in between.....the best kinds of conversation. My friend remarked because she had heard the same talk in church, that she couldn't relate to the talk about fear because she didn't feel like she had many herself. She is strong willed in nature, independent and takes things into her own hands.
That evening I went to anther church meeting and I was again reminded that we don't need to have fear and that we can move forward in faith. After four conversations, multiple meetings, and reading scriptures every night for the week it finally hit me!
I HAVE FEAR! I FEAR the unknown! I am terrified that I am going to make a wrong decision and I am afraid of not having the answers to what lies ahead of me in life. It stops me from doing things I should and could be doing.
I am not fearful in the sense of being afraid of life surroundings. I don't walk out my door anticipating something bad might happen to me or my children or husband. I don't fear day to day activities or meeting new people. I don't worry about going somewhere a lone, or my children getting older.
I FEAR the unknown and making wrong decisions based on the unknown.
I realized more than ever last week that we all have fears, whether we want to acknowledge them or not.....we all have them.
Being afraid stops me from doing things that I sometimes know I should. It has stopped me from talking to certain people about taboo subjects because of what they may think. Fear has stopped me in my life at certain forks in the road.
Mike and I have been making big decision as of late. We have been deciding on where to buy a house, and what house to buy. I have had a lot of anxiety in this decision. I have been afraid that we will make the wrong choice based on unknown factors.
This week at church I recognized again the answer to many of my dilema's. I recognized that fear is not larger that doing what is right. Just because we can't see the end from the beginning doesn't mean we are making wrong decisions. We don't have to fear in big or small decisions. Just because something isn't perfect, it doesn't mean we need to fear it!
I have thought about my kids a lot the past couple of weeks with school starting. I think about how in such blind faith they do hard things that require strength and not fear. I think about how they can't afford to have fear. They have to do..... more than they have to fear doing. They are trying new things every day of their lives.
I am reminded this week that we need not fear perfect or imperfect decisions. All decisions lead to greater understanding if we are trying our best to do what is right.
I tell my darling kids every day to not be afraid to meet new people. I tell them with confidence that they can make right decisions, and do hard things. I tell my Alyssa and Mikey to not be afraid to stand up for what they know is right and be nice to people that may not have any friends. I tell them these things daily.....but am I living them.
I need to fear less and have faith more. I need to not be prideful of claiming that I don't have FEARS! We all have fear but am grateful for daily reminders of goodness and truths.