Thursday, December 22, 2011


Tommorow one year ago, my life changed forever with the passing of my sweet Mom.  This past week I have been extra reflective on feelings, thoughts, and a whole range of emotions.  Sadness and loss have been part of those feelings....... along with much peace and love.  I have thought a lot about how we go through life with great losses, and how we cope. 

The Lord has a plan for all, and works with each of us in individual processes.  We all heal differently, and the Lord knows what we need and when we need it.  I feel strength and peace from above that is larger than me.  I am not strong......but people I love in heaven are, and they helping me in each step of my own process in life.  The outcome with my Mom's health was not what we wished and hoped for, but there were many miracles along the way that helped our family have peace and feel great amounts of love.  In fact the day of her passing was one of the most spiritually orchestrated days I have ever witnessed. 

Dealing with the loss of someone so loved is a process.  The love and support felt from others has been such a comfort.  I still feel like I am in the healing process at times, and quite frankly I have come to realize there will always be a void in my life without my Mom.  I know love and loss is part of the process of life.  It is up to me to live the kind of life that my Mom, and God would want me to live.  They both want me to be it is up to me to be so.:)  Life, love, and testimony are all a process.  I really believe if we do our part we can have large amounts of all.   

I miss so many things about my Mom.  So I am going to name a few....again....these are just a few of the many many.

I miss her big smile and even larger eyes.
I miss her warm hugs.
I miss her laugh.
I miss her asking a million questions, about a million details....that NO ONE else in the world would even care about.
I miss a phone call to her almost daily.
I miss her wanting to know every detail about each of my kids days.
I miss her telling me about current events, and telling me about local news.
I miss her giving me suggestions on what to make for dinner.
I miss her always telling me to not worry, and to just go do something fun.
I miss her telling me she will be somewhere at a certain time, and always showing up at least 15 minutes late.
I miss going places with her and her making best friends with perfect strangers.
I miss her example and ability of caring about everyone....from the mail man, to the grocery clerks, to the president of whatever...:)
I miss her generosity and weakness of buying me anything hot pink.
I miss her buying me shoes (she loved ...loved shoes).
I miss her asking me my opinion on decorating and clothes....when clearly she was the one who knew best....she had the best taste!
I miss her making up close parking places, and getting away with it:)
I miss her collection of Talbot's, Pierre Deux, and Traditional Home catalogs with stickies on her favorite pages.
I miss her genuinely being interested in about 100 different things.
I miss going on drives with her to look at cute houses, and gardens....and end up just talking for hours about everything.
I miss her always being on MY SIDE no matter if I was right or wrong.  She was ALWAYS my biggest advocate.
I miss her GENUINE love of motherhood, and her kind, pure heart!

Their are countless things I miss about my Mom.  I am grateful for her legacy and love that I still feel her.  I know she is still close.  I have her beautiful picture right above my computer.  I am able to look at her beautiful smile daily...what a wonderful woman.

Love you Mom.

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