Saturday, March 26, 2016

Tomorrow is Easter.  It such a time of reflection for me each year.  I am grateful for Easter every time it comes around.  I am able to appreciate things just a little bit more.  I love the colors, the smells, the season of spring.  I am giving a talk in church tomorrow and I am a bit distracted.  That often happens to me when I am asked to speak.  I get nervous, and I think of all the things that I want to express, but worry they won't come out the way I want them to.  

I am grateful to be able to speak on Easter as well.  It helps me remember the true meaning of the spring season.  It is a time of change a rebirth of sorts.  It is a time when life begins for many things in nature and represents the time of the Savior and his resurrection.  Here in Arizona it reminds me of our Utah summers growing up.  It is beautiful weather, not too hot, the sun is always shining and flowers are still flourishing.  I LOVE Arizona in the spring!  

The longer I live here, the more at home this state feels.  I am grasping more of the "Arizona" traditions.  Freshly squeezed orange juice has new meaning.  The smell of citrus trees needs to be more readily replicated into perfumes.  It is amazing.  It has been a blessing to feel more settled now that we are living in a home that we have ownership of.  There is something quite amazing about the American dream of actually owning a home.  It helps me feel like my roots are settled.  Like I can really breath in the air around me because it is mine.  

I have been struggling with writing my blog as of late.  I love writing and love photography.  I sometimes have so much that I want to write about, but I worry it won't be portrayed in the way I want it when I write.  I have been more filtered the last few months, and I miss being unfiltered.  This blog needs to continue to be my safe spot of expressing.  Expressing anything and everything that I think in my brain.  I hate the fact that I may ever be judged for something that I say or write.  I will be....I know ....but I hate feeling worried about that.  I want a place to express and to share, but I don't want a place that will be judged.  I don't think the two can not go hand in hand to a certain degree.  

My life has changed a LOT over the past two years.  Not only have we changed locations, my husbands job is very different from what it was in the past.  Mike is done working crazy crazy hours, and has a stable job.   I don't have to worry about how we are going to afford milk this month, although I do have to worry about how we are going pay our taxes.   I used to get a lot more empathy when I was pregnant with children and Mike was in his medical training.  I can't blame the fact that I loose my temper and/or am tired because of Mike's work and schedule.  I can't blame being tired because I am pregnant or have little ones in diapers, or a husband who isn't ever home.  

Good, better, and best are often on my mind.  What is good, better, and best changes with time and with circumstance to a certain degree.  I use to have more time to sew.  Sewing at the time was the best option for me.  I saved money, it was a great outlet.  Now my time is better spent being involved with my kids and their activities  running them around.  What was best at one point of my life is now not considered best.  What is good, better, and best for ourselves is sometimes tricky to navigate.  This has been one (of my many.....I have plenty) trials that I try and navigate through here in Arizona.

There are many Moms a short distance from me whose husbands have similar jobs, similar schedules, similar age children, similar values and beliefs.  However similar we may appear on paper we are all so different and have different needs, ideals, goals and missions.  I have been  reminded often as of late that you can't judge a book by its cover.  

Just a few random thoughts on my mind.....I just needed to document.  

This evening in my mode of procrastination with a million things to do including and not limited to preparing for my talk in church ..... I dressed up my kids in their Easter best and took some photos.  I decided better this evening than the chaotic yelling that would occur trying to get photos tomorrow before church.  Again.... the irony....there was yelling, and crying and fighting and now that I live directly behind our church building I reminded of how much yelling might be heard from that darn steeple 100 feet away!:)  

1 comment:

Amber said...

Beautiful post. Genuine, organic and real. I love your writing. :) Amber